Time for another post. So, I thought about it and realized the title "The Broke Socialite Now" has dual meanings: 1). I was a broke socialite (spiritually) but I'm trying to put myself back together 2). I really am a broke socialite, hustling these "streets" for premium food and drank, lol. So, I just wanted to put that out there.
Anway, this particular post is about hustling in these "streets". Figured I'd share to tools of the trade.
GOOD READ (Yes, I know it looks long as hell, but promise the pay off is so worth it)
This particular tool can be used for both men and women (a little harder for men, but I've seen it work).
What you need:
- A mentality that "socialiting" (yes, I just made up term, work with me here) is just a game
- A big beautiful smile
- Confidence outta this world
- A solid team around you (i.e. friends who understand the game and recognize what's at stake)
So, today's lesson is how to find a someone with bottle service to get your "free" drink on.
Step 1:
Prior to entering your location, you and your team need to discuss who is the ring leader of the evening. Basically, who's feeling the "flyest" that night, who has the best attitude (this is very important, cause the stank face one of group will totally jack up the entire mission), who ready to take one for the team (ie. who's going to have to deal with the person or persons who we suckered into letting us sit at their table)
Step 2:
Once the ring leader has been decided, you and your team enter location with the attitude that "you built the m'fer and everyone there is your guest". The reason to do this is to automatically make yourself stand out. People love a confident group. PLEASE NOTE: There is a difference between walking in a room with a scowl on your face and walking into a room laughing with a huge smile. Please do the latter
Step 3:
This sort of needs to be done concurrently with Step 2. Scan the room for your "merton" (Note: I'm borrowing this word from my gay husband. There really no good definition for a merton, but kinda like the one random you meet out socializing that you probably have no intention of hanging out with again, but it's a hella funny word, so we're going to run with it).
Mertons come in all shapes and sizes:
"Too Cool For The Room" Merton: some think they are too cool for the room (don't bother with them, more than likely you're already getting ready to hold a pointless convo anyway, nothing is worse than holding a pointless convo with someone who takes themselves seriously)
"Old" Merton: This is someone who really is too damn old to be in club, but who am I to judge. If it makes you feel young, run with it. For the fellas, female Mertons are usually cool, but don't be surprised if she ask if you are looking to get married, this is not the point of free drink searching. Politely decline and run the other direction. Ladies (and other men), old male mertons usually go "daddy" on you and want to start giving you life advice. If you can tolerate, stick it out, but it's a tough one. I suggest doing an "about face" and gracefully walk to the other side of the room. Note: Old Mertons will follow you around your location, so please be aware
"Just right" Merton: This is someone who respects and understands the game. This Merton realizes that this is just a one off thing. They know you have a team of people with you and regardless of gender, they let the whole team join in on the fun. This Merton is usually really nice, can hold a decent convo, and respects that when the bottle is empty, you will leave them and they are okay with that. It's kinda like you actually feel bad, but then you remember this is a game. It's even okay to exchange contact info with Merton as this person has the potential to go from Merton to actual friend.
Note: There are many types of Mertons, these are just a few and this post is starting to turn into an essay.
Step 4:
Give eye contact to the Merton and then keep it moving. . If you followed Step 2 correctly, the Merton has already spotted you and they will seek you out. PLEASE DO NO APPROACH MERTON. This is major "no no", now you look like you're looking for a drink and the whole mission is a bust.
Step 5:
Guaranteed, the Merton will approach you and team within 5 minutes of initial contact. Once contact has been established, proceed to hold a :30 to 1 minute convo. At this point, both parties realize what the deal is and at this point, you and your team should now be escorted to the table. If this does not happen within the time frame, politely excuse yourself from convo cause current Merton is in the way of other potential Mertons who are more than excited to have you join them.
Step 6:
Walk to table, introduce yourself and team to EVERYONE at the table (random chicks or dudes (note: these ppl have a tendency to hate on newcomers, but they're just confused as to how your game is so fly. Educate, if you can), weird friend that sitting off to the side, and all others). At this point, you're pretty much good to go.
Some basic table etiqutte:
- Remember you were invited to your free drinks, however, you did not "put on this", thus you don't have the right to just start grabbing ish and pouring you, the crew and the random homies next to you a drink. Always ask, people appreciate a humble person
- Don't be afraid to walk away. If your goal was to get the crew one free round of drinks, do so and keep it moving. You gotta respect the game and the plan.
- If someone at the table or free drink area gets fiesty at the table with you or anyone in the crew, leave immediately. Someone is just hating on the game and who can blame them.
So, if you made it through this long ass post, very happy for you. Just wanted to share one of the tools of the trade of being a Broke Socialite. It's actually really easy and if you follow these steps accordingly, you should be enjoying a free night in less than 30 minutes. Please feel free to offer additional suggestions. I'm always learning.
Now, just for ish and giggles, looking like this will not get you a free night:
Or maybe it will, different strokes for diffent folks.
Disclaimer: You don't have to take this post seriously, really for ish and giggles, however, if you do, it really works. Enjoy yo self!
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